Life’s been great.
My health has been it’s worst in ages, meaning I’m coming home from work in the evening absolutely shattered and can barely keep one eye open to blog, read or study. DELIGHTFUL. On top of that my body feels like it’s been run over by a herd of Rhino’s daily, I’m getting mirgaine’s like it’s going out of fashion and as for my mind, well, perhaps the less said about that, the better.
Work has been hell with a capital H. Family life has been somewhat stressful with mum being ill and just general worry.
On one of the few good points however, we all managed to have a lovely Christmas together, including mum which was the best gift of all and in my eyes, quite the Christmas miracle. And the garden is in a better state since having the gardener’s here. I’m looking forward to the spring when I can plant seeds and new plants and bring a bit of life back into the garden. I imagine The Secret Garden when I think of all the potential my garden has. But thanks to my lack of energy and physical limits, heavy gardening is off the cards, so I’ll have to employ a full time gardener to look after things.
I’m feeling very down on myself at the moment that I haven’t blogged much. Hardly at all. It worries me so much that I am wanting to write for a living, yet when I come to type something on the computer, my brain fogs up, my eyes are strained and my thought’s go a wandering. I desperately need to find my focus again and begin to enjoy writing on here. Instead, I waste my time fidgeting about with the layout and design, instead of creating good content. I run myself down for this a lot and for also not studying as much as I’d like. I completely underestimated how difficult (impossible) studying would be when I have a job and M.E.
I found school difficult so I don’t know what I was thinking when I decided to undertake a distance learning diploma in Journalism, with practically no one to guide me. I think I will have to come to accept that obtaining this qualification will not be a quick event, and perhaps I can venture in to journalism in the meantime. I just need to be a bit creative in how I approach it.
Since that post, I’ve viewed one, which I had seen on eBay. The whole thing was an utter write off and failed miserably at the garage inspection I had done. And what a good thing to have done! The motorhome itself was looking quite promising up to the point we took it to the garage for a thorough inspection and the mechanic came through to reception with a look of bemused disbelief on his face. It could have gone either way at this point as the lot of them there were fairly unreadable.
It did, however, go awfully bad. As the mechanic began to reel off his list of things wrong with the van, I quickly realised that despite the perfect layout and fairly good asking price, the thing was a wreck, and was not going to be my new home. He even admitted that he’d fail it then and there if it had been an actual MOT when I asked if it would pass it’s next MOT. I appreciated his honest critique.
After a pretty awkward exchange of words with the seller, I thanked him for his time but in light of the van’s bad inspection, I would not be buying. And I walked away. It was hard to walk away from something I had essentially convinced myself was going to be my new home, but after talking it through with my parents, I realised it was completely the right decision. I actually felt very uplifted by the experience and empowered by being confident and strong enough to walk away from something that was so clearly wrong for me. I just wish I’d had the balls to do that with other aspects of my life in times gone by.
I learnt a lot from that day. I learnt what to look out for at my next motorhome viewing. I learnt that no matter where or who you’re buying a van from, always get it checked out at a garage, as it could save you a lot of money down the line. I also learnt that it’s OK to say no and that I am strong enough to know when to gracefully decline, turn on my heels and walk away. With anything, not just campervans.
So we’ve had Christmas and I’m still at my parents house, but that’s OK. I am very fortunate to not be in a rushed position to move out. But at least I know the dream is getting more real and the day I move out in to my own home is coming very soon and in the new year, when I’ve recovered from my period of bad health, the search will commence.
I am trying to approach the new year positively. I’m not going to add to the pressure of life and set out another goals list as I’m still in the process of achieving this years goals. However, I look forward to a new year after the god-awfulness of 2016.
I think we can all agree with that…