I’ve just got back from a pretty damn lovely afternoon out. It was spontaneous and it was solitary and I’ve come home feeling very content. A new feeling in comparison to the past couple of weeks.
I went to my local coffee shop and sat down with a pot of tea. I spent an hour writing and reading and feeling very calm. After an hour and at the end of my tea, I didn’t feel ready to go home so I went for a walk round the block. Feeling a bit sassy, I listened to The Heavy “The House That Dirt Built” album as I walked and it put me in such a chilled out and confident mood. So much fun and nice feelings, all by myself. I’m all about that these days.
I started to make notes for this blog post at the weekend, when I first started realising I was feeling lonely.
Lonely, for the first time in ages. But not the sort of lonely where you have no one to talk to. Lonely in the sense of missing being around a certain type of company. I had started to miss certain aspects of being in a relationship. Something I hoped wouldn’t attack the resilience I’d spent the last year building up, for a long time to come. However, having been as silly enough to go into complete crush mode on my favourite actor again, I have begun to wonder what life would be like in a fulfilling relationship again. After being so sure I didn’t need a relationship to be fulfilled, and so sure I didn’t need a man; I’m disappointed.
So, after a little pep talk and listening to some songs with serious bad-ass-sass, I listed some of the perks of being single and how there are certain things, I really do not miss.
1. You don’t have to be so hot on shaving.
Ever had a shaving rash from daily shaving? Along with a redness which doesn’t exactly add to the natural beauty you’re trying to convince yourself and your partner you do possess? Well, worry no more because who the hell needs to shave when they’re single??
2. Same bra two days running…
No one knows and no one cares. I do not own seven bra’s. Never have done, never will. They will get re-worn, alternated and used to within an inch of their elasticity, before I go through the genuine torment of trying to hunt down a new bra, in my size. A serious difficulty. So don’t mind me with my 3-bra rotation system. We work well.
3. Less period hassle.
Less embarrassment, fewer awkward conversations about why things can’t get too intimate for a while, until your torture of pain and natural grossness is over. And while we all thought that period pain couldn’t be topped, trying to explain discreetly to your partner what is exactly going on “down there” without having to actually use the word ‘period’, is a hella lot more painful. And ridiculous. Men should damn well get it by now.
4. Binge-eating in bed, sod the crumbs.
This does not really need much more description. Just Nutella, Kettle Crisps and Pan au chocolat’s. And Netflix.
5. The whole bed to yourself.
Or in my tragic case, a whole single bed to myself. So like having the same space as sharing a double, but without the bad breath, cold feet and long toe nails next to you.
6. Not having to be friend’s with people you really just don’t like.
While it’s always great to be supportive of your love’s friends and try to get along with them, when they make it obvious they don’t like you and resent you taking up time with their friend, that’s when things turn nasty. When you’re single, you focus on your friends and spend time with people who like you and deserve your company.
7. Being able to have down days.
Without the fear it will affect the relationship. Because sometimes we just need a frigging good cry. We need to hide under the duvet, wallow in copious amounts of self-pity and hate the world for a little bit. It’s a tricky thing to handle in a relationship, as there’s always a background, unspoken resentment that your mental health is being the centre of attention. Everyone has mental health days, everyone. And you can now have them in peace.
While I sometimes miss the physical affection of being in a relationship, I have learnt that whether or not you’re in a relationship, people you’re around can make things more difficult, than being alone.
Yes, that sounds bleak and anti-social, but I guess the Buddhist in me realizes that only I can make myself truly happy and relying on someone else for reassurance and happiness is the pathway to unhappiness. And I know from experience.
I have made the mistake of relying on someone for my happiness and honestly, it made me the most unhappy I’ve ever been.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s healthy and normal to have relationships and friendships where you love each other and take care of one another, but it’s unhealthy to think of that other person as the source of your everything wonderful.
We have to learn how to survive by ourselves, learn how to function without the assistance of someone; learn how to be self-sufficient. And most importantly, we have to understand how to be our own source of happiness, love and self-appreciation. We need to understand why we’re as powerful alone as we are when we’re with someone, because really, regardless of our relationship status, we are all alone.
In a peaceful, independent and beautiful way.
And because of that, we are peaceful, independent and beautiful creatures.