Today has seen a run of unfortunate events occurring every hour, on the hour.
It started off in full swing this morning when no more than 2 minutes in the door at work, I decide that it would be nice if I dabbed a subtle hint of perfume either side of my neck, to smell fresh and fruity all day. I’m currently using the new Beyonce Heat tester tube (which as you may know, has a lid you have to remove by carefully prizing it away from the tube), and it’s very tiny and pretty fiddly. And instead of adorning my already fragranced skin with a miniature dab of said perfume, I end up quite spectacularly pinging the small tube out of my cold fingers and slowly watch on in horror as the entire contents of the tube squirts everywhere onto me, onto the floor and more embarrassingly, onto my manager’s handbag! *facepalm*
Now standing there unsure whether I smell more like I belong in a brothel or the fragrance section of Debenhams, the question of “can I actually hide this from the others and pretend it didn’t happen”? floats around my naive little mind before succumbing to the disastrous realisation that for at least the next week, my manager is going to smell just like me. And while it’s not the worst smell in the world, it is extremely awkward and cringe worthy. She took it very well though, and we managed to laugh it off, despite us all spending the rest of the morning with headaches and the door wide open for ventilation and basic life support…
In between the morning’s antics and my soon to be incredibly stressful lunch, I managed to bang my elbow, spill coffee down me and scare my colleague out of her wits when I almost ended up kissing her head after we bumped into each other. All of this was followed by lunch, which I had to purchase from the well known named shop next door. As I preyed the shelves searching for healthy but filling foods to drown my many sorrows in, I spot the strawberry Muller yogurt with my name on it. Juggling vegetable rice and a bottle of water on one hand, I used the other to retrieve the yogurt pot from the refrigerator, when SPLAT!!!
Yogurt engulfed my entire hand and arm and as I refrained from blaspheming my way into village banishment, I shuffled to the nearest supervisor and asked for assistance. And upon locating nearest supervisor, many a laugh was stifled and they kind of just stared at me for quite a long time, glazed and bemused at the yogurt covered, flustered mess that stood before them. With a half hearted attempt to take the oozing yogurt pot from me, he plonked down a roll of tissue on to the counter and as I shuffled once again, drowning in yogurt and feeling my stress levels rising, I proceeded to fight with this roll of tissue, and between myself and the very un-bothered sales guy, we tore off the most pointless and flimsy piece of paper that would make Bounty fall to the ground in horror. That said, not even a whole roll of Bounty Kitchen paper could sustain the moppage of the yogurt now spilling everywhere!
After a few further stressful minutes paying for my rice at the till, I leave before anything more can go wrong and leg it to the other well known named shop next door and by this point have thought “sodding stuff trying to be healthy, somebody find me a 5,000 calorie cake”, I proceed to buy a snack slice carrot cake (clearly the creator of that had never heard of a sweet tooth) and scurried back to the presumed safety of work.
Now, what followed after lunch is something I feel I need lifetime counselling for and is something I can’t really explain fully for confidentiality reasons; but all I will say is that it involved unexpected first aid, the touching of a strangers toes, the wobbling of a toenail and getting covered in Savlon! It is safe to say that event finished me off and when I just thought I was out of the danger zone and that surely nothing more traumatic could happen in the same day, I hear a middle aged woman’s personal account of using a new electric toothbrush and all the other things she’d rather use it for that actually brushing her teeth. Standing in shock, smelling like an adult version of Dolly Mixture comprising of perfume, coffee, yogurt and Savlon, I stuffed as many chocolates into my mouth as my disgusted body would allow and reminded myself that surely life would be dull without this sort of stuff and that I should count myself lucky for such excitement… Surely?
And that was just today! …
OK, I have other life stuff to catch up on; but there’s not going to be one word of Christmas past this point as I’m not looking forward to it at the moment for a lot of reasons.
It was the weekend just gone that I traveled down to North Devon on the train to see friends. It was a great weekend, with shopping, shows and amazing food. I think I’m getting the hang of this solo travel thing. It’s not something I’ve ever been used to but this year, I’ve really had to master it and I’ve enjoyed the challenge. I’m not sure I’ll ever be a relaxed traveler as it’s just in my make up to panic about everything, but as long as I can rationalize and just go for it, I’ll be just fine. Like I said in this blog post, I might go somewhere in the new year, by myself, for a few days and just live. I don’t feel like I’m doing much of that right now and I want to. Change begins at the end of your comfort zone, or so they say!
Something needs to change either way… I’m fleeting between feelings of joy at the possibilities and freedom ahead of me, and the feeling of being trapped in the rut I am in and the negative ways of my mind. I swear I think myself into not being able to do all the things I dream of. I need it to be real, be true, even just for a minute; so I can see it’s possible. But that can’t happen, so I have to believe it’s possible. And that’s the scariest part o it all… Having the belief that one of my dreams might come true, after so many of them have gone so horribly wrong.
Somewhere, out there, is a star that shines for me. And one day, I’ll notice how bright it’s shining and I’ll follow it, and there, all of a sudden, will be my dream waiting for me to grasp it with both hands, build something amazing from it and never let go. And until then, I will keep looking for that shining star and let the prospect of it keep me from loosing all faith.
Much apologies for ending this rather deeply and in a philosophical state of melancholy. Thanks for reading if you’re still there:)